It may seem odd — with me being a full-on feminine female (a bit redundant, yes?) — that I gave this post such a headline. However, it’s detrimental that I say in the beginning that I still watch these shows in a religious and sometimes repetitive manner.The Rachel Zoe Project, Millionaire Matchmaker, Tabatha’s Salon Takeover — anything on Bravo, actually — is part of my weekly TV regimen. However, it’s becoming clear to me that reality TV is beginning to focus less on the “real” and  “fantastic,” and more on the catty and unnecessary conflict. As a result, I get jittery and agitated as I watch. Sometimes, I even have to leave the room out of frustration or secondhand-embarrassment.

Primary example of this is the Real Housewives saga. It began with Orange County. Silly, orange women, whose biggest worries are that the Versace blouse they want isn’t in their size. Or -blast- they’re all out of the tuna tar tar. But as we normal folk in TV land moved into the homes of “career women” in New York and Atlanta, it was evident that the petty cat fights began to pop up even more.

But is this factually correct? Are career women more apt to petty fights and catty behavior simply because they have more to defend? Do ladies with big dreams feel the need to show their teeth on a daily basis to prove their worth? Let’s look at the example of the New York version of the show. Most of the women had their business ventures — Jill Zarin with her furniture and fabrics business, Ramona Singer with her retail and jewelry ventures, and Alex McCord who did graphic design and merchandising for Victoria’s Secret and Limited Brand (she was laid off during the show). There were some floaters, let’s face it. Former models, trophy wives (and ex-wives) of big-name men. However, there was one “housewife” that began to blossom as the seasons progressed. Bethenny Frankel began as a gourmet and organic chef and moved into the diet and fitness realm with her Skinny Girl brand. Did any one else notice that the more she ventured into her own success, the more frequently the cat fights occurred? As her brand developed, her friendship with Jill deteriorated and the other women were swift to start conflict. Is there a connection? Are these women defending their “success” and territory? Well guess what folks, she’s developed her own show and now the other housewives are left on their own. And you know what? It looks even more unnecessary and self-indulgent than ever. Now what? Who cares.

To live the life of a perfect and desirable female (in TV land, that is) your career doesn’t mean a thing unless you have the man waiting for you at the end of the day. That’s right, you men are always the cause of cat fights. We need to protect our men from the pesky females that run amok in their stripper gear and tempt you with them goodies. And I think I just lost brain cells saying that.

Anyways, yes, men break friendships for a number of reasons — especially in the “teen” reality realm. Guys either take girls away from their friends after they get in a relationship, or friends are fighting over the same guy. Hook-ups cause friend break-ups. Whatever happened to chicks before dicks? Jersey Shore is what happened. And with Sammi alienating herself from the rest of the crew to be with meat-head Ronnie, she has become Fist-Pumping Enemy Number One.

The MTV phenomenon brought TV-goers into the mythical and legendary world of Jersey. We all tan, have fake nails and wear clothes that give us muffin-tops, right? Granted, I do have elements of stereotypical Jersey. I work at a gym, I love diner food and I do enjoy a random shore trip (mainly to take pictures of the funny folk I come across). But I’ve never been a club-hopper and I’ve never been one to “hook up.” I hate when strangers touch me — but that’s another story. But to outsiders, Jersey girls are loud, obnoxious, jealous and drunkards. The perfect combo for reality television.

As most readers may know, the season premiere of Jersey Shore was this past Thursday. Nothing’s really changed since they departed from Miami. Sammi Sweetheart is still battling it out with Snooki and J-Woww, The Situation is still dumb and borderline pedo-status, Ronnie is a smooshy enabler and eggs Sammi on, and Vinny and Pauly are still awesome and my ideal examples of my potential man-BFFs. But viewers are also introduced to Deena, Snooki’s friend and partner in crime. She’s tan and stumpy just like her counterpart, but her face strongly resembles Jack Nicholson’s as the Joker. Get the image and never forget it, cause it’ll push the image of her naked body out of your retinas. This is a case of lesser of two evils my friend. But I digress. Deena’s trying to smoosh with Vinny after she “accidentally” takes her clothes off in front of The Situation. She makes her advances with poor, soggy Snooki in the hot tub with them, while she knows Snooki has feelings for Vinny. Snooki goes on to scream at Vinny and stand by Deena in her smear campaign and eventual finger-waggin’ brawl against Sammi. But…but…but…?

Am I alone in this confusion? Does no one see the hypocrisy in this? The female characterizations in Jersey Shore are the prime examples of illogical and unintelligent females that act inconsiderately merely for attention. Consequences? We don’t got ‘em here! We just listen to Katy Perry and do shots in hooker boots. We only look out for our fellow females when they share our hatred for someone that wants to go under the radar. Regardless, I still watch. Wanna know why? Because like the Animal Planet, the lives of people like this fascinate me. I would never have the gall to “live without regrets” in this manner, nor speak to other human beings the way they do. Wanna know why? Because I simply don’t have it in me. Don’t get me wrong, I can defend myself — and if antagonized enough, I could throw a decent punch. But when it comes to grazing the surface of this Earth, I will never seek out a fight when a simple discussion is in order. But hey, at least Angelina isn’t there anymore.

Although I’m a female that contains catty and passive-aggressive tendencies, I’m also incredibly non-confrontational. It will take the largest and most inescapable issues to make me face the noise of my own drama and come out with it. So to see women slug it out verbally and take the most petty of jabs to make themselves feel better about their own insecurities is just…sad. More so, it makes my heart race, my stomach drop and my face get flushed as if I’m thrown right in the middle with the poor saps involved.

Do I stop watching? Of course not. I’ve just learned to accept the fact that I need to stock up on heartburn medication before starting the DVR. More importantly, reality TV has given me the ultimate guideline of what NOT to do as a modern woman. So thanks for that. Plus, it beats the shit out of Glee.

To my fellow indulgers, I wish you luck. And don’t forget the Maalox.

Happy watching!